Sometime over the past few weeks, as my yoga friends have heard that I’m starting the teacher training program tomorrow (!!!), they’ve taken to giving me all sorts of creepy warnings and retelling the worst horror stories.
I’ve heard everything from “It’s going to ruin. your. life.” to “I’ve heard that their only goal is to break you mentally and physically and it’s really, really hard.” My favorite response thus far was the person who said bluntly, “Why in the HELL would you EVER decide to do that?”
Real talk: been asking myself the same thing.
To be honest, when I started practicing, I never thought I’d go to teacher training. I’ve been practicing off and on for 10 years and at one point, I toyed with the idea of going to the Bikram training, but it’s basically a million years long and I read wayyy too much about people vomiting in class. So yeah. No.
My teacher first urged me to do it over the summer. I resisted her, saying there was no way that I was ready. She told me over and over again: you’re ready.
Am I ready? I don’t know. In my worst moments, I fear that I am in no way ready: I don’t have a lithe yoga body, I can’t do all the poses, I rest a lot in class, I still flip people off driving to yoga and often say unsavory things in mixed company.
The larger part of my fears the time commitment alone: I’m still a grad student. I’m a teacher. I’m a girlfriend and a friend and a daughter. I require a lot of time alone. Is this going to like, send me over the edge?
Probably. In many ways, I suspect it will.
What I do know is this: I am excited. I’m nervous. I’m anxious about it. It’s a lot of money and time and effort. I want to get the most possible out of the experience. Truth be told, I have no idea what I’ll do with this when I’m done. I think I’d like to teach, since I seem to like it as my profession. I have a few ideas. But I have no real idea.
In the introductory email with our pre-training homework, we were instructed to show up without expectations. And that is where I’m trying to stay: this experience will be what it will be, no amount of fretting, planning or judging required.
If you know me at all, you know that this is already a lesson to be learned. I like plans and goals, and clear outcomes. I’m hard on myself. I want assurance that when I do x, I will get y.
This is already an invitation to stop planning, striving, doing, going, thinking and to just be. It’s already hard.
In class on Monday night, my teacher urged us to find our edge, because, she reminded us — the edge is where the view is.
I have no idea the view I’ll be presented with over the next three and a half months. But whatever comes into focus, I’m going to do my best to accept it, and trust that no matter the challenge or the outcome, I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
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I am sure I’ll be mentioning this journey on this blog, but I doubt I’ll want to post all my yoga feelings all over here, so if yoga teacher training is your jam, I’d suggest following me over at Everyday Asana.
Great post! I’m starting yoga teacher training this Friday, so I totally know where you’re coming from. I like my alone time and I’m afraid I’m going to end up dreading each class rather than looking forward to it. I haven’t heard all those negative reactions to teacher training, but I hope that isn’t our experiences! Best of luck, can’t wait to hear about how your first day goes!
yoga teacher training was by far the best thing i have ever done for myself. yes it was hard, yes it challenged me very much physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. it broke my ego right down and i had days where i came home and cried and wondered if i had the strength to continue. but that is part of the journey, and i was lucky that our instructors told us that up front. yoga teacher training changed me, and allowed yoga to change me in a more profound way than it had before when i was just practicing for myself. i learned that, even after practicing for 10 years, i still had so much learning to do (and that yoga practice is a lifelong journey of changing and learning – 10 years is nothing!) it allowed me to feel a strong sense of community with the other people in my class, it allowed me to take a step back and question why i was so drawn to yoga, and then it allowed me to deepen my practice in a physical and mental/emotional/spiritual way because i was able to take the time – while breaking poses down, while pondering the yoga philosophy readings, while leading my first flow – to examine how yoga made me feel and what i was getting out of it. i had girls in my class who were beginners to yoga, who had no intention of teaching, who were just attending to deepen their practice and understanding of yoga. some of them have gone on to teach after all, and some haven’t. but all of us know that taking the teacher training really has allowed us to deepen our understanding of yoga, and how our practice fits into our own lives. for me, yoga has become my life & my passion – i teach 4-8 classes per week now, and have plans to transition into making teaching yoga my full time job (and one day to own my own studio!)
what i am trying to say is this: it will probably be hard and challenging, and you might find out things you didn’t want to know about yourself. but that is where the change happens, and you will hopefully come out the other side feeling a little more peaceful, a little more comfortable in your own skin, and a lot more in love with your practice, as i sure did :) and that is what your teacher is talking about when she talks about the edge – YTT pushes you to the edge of your practice not just in a physical way, but in all areas of your life and being. keep a journal, embrace all your feelings both negative and positive, and just breathe & live in the moment. if you have any questions, feel free to ask! xo
I hope you don’t take to heart the negative comments- it’s your path in life and other people may not understand it but they should be respectful!
I am so excited for you Amy. I think it’s going to be an amazing experience.
I think you are in the perfect place to start this journey and we are lucky enough as your
friends to hear all about it!
It’s going to be great.
If anyone can do it, it’s you.
I am so happy for you! And I’m so happy to follow along. I’ve been wanting to do this for a few years. But I lack the funds :( You will be pushed to your edge, I’m sure. But your teacher is right — that is where the view is!
You’ve got this!
I completed a 6-month 200-hour teacher training program in November while being a wife and working full-time. You can do it! Teacher training was one of the best experiences of my life. It sounds hokey to say it was life-changing, but it really was. It was physically demanding, but there was such a feeling of accomplishment after each practice. It was emotionally challenging at times, and the amount of time it took (homework, classes outside of training, practice teaching with other students) was overwhelming, but I loved every minute of it. Do as your teacher says: allow the whole experience to unfold without any expectations. I had no desire to teach when I first started and now I’m about to start the first part of a 300-hour program because I love the idea of teaching now. You’re going to have a great time!
I’m very excited to follow along with both you and Caroline in your yoga teacher training journeys as I know this is something I want to do one day. I just don’t know where and how (fit it into my real life or go to a 4-6 week intensive course abroad). Can’t wait to hear what you get out of it – I know that you will get A LOT out of it, whatever that ends up looking like!
Good for you for diving in and doing this. It sounds like it will be an amazing growing experience for you. I am looking forward to following along!!
You can do it! I totally understand the time issue. I used to be a teacher, grad student and a waitress. It was crazy, but I loved it. Until I graduated from grad school and quit serving tables – and got very use to entire weekends free. Hahaha, but now I am a single mother, a full time teacher and always sleep deprived . . . and yet I yearn to be a professional photographer. If we want to make it happen, we will find a way.
Good luck!
“I still flip people off driving to yoga and often say unsavory things in mixed company.”
Hi, this is why we are friends. So proud of you!