Recently, I’ve stumbled upon a few posts by some women I admire that were inspired by this post of Jess at Makeunder My Life. The gist of the post was that there is a lack of transparency in the blogging community at times. It’s easy to look around and to be bombarded by photos of perfect homes and adorable babies, to read about relationships that seem idyllic and jobs that are fulfilling. Personally, I struggle most when I see people lose a ton of weight seemingly quickly, or do incredible fitness-related things with what seems like little effort.
I think that it’s easy to forget that when we read someone’s blog, it’s not the entire story of who they are, or what their life is like. In my own life, there are a ton of big things (my job!) and small things (day-to-day frustrations) that I simply choose not to discuss. I tend to paint a genuine picture of my life, but with some major exclusions. While nothing I share here is disingenuous, I find that people are often surprised—both with me and other bloggers—to find out that what we write online is not the full story of our lives. I like to read blogs because they feel a little bit like peeking into people’s windows and seeing their lives. But when I’m not careful, it’s easy to grow jealous of compare my home/life/relationship/clothing/choices to those of other bloggers. It’s so easy to be distracted by the beauty in the lives of others that we fail to see where it exists in ours. Worse, it can make us feel as if we don’t measure up to what others have going on.
I know that I struggle with finding a balance of positive and honest: I don’t want to write about every little thing that goes wrong in my life, but I also try and present a real picture of my life. What I loved about the posts I linked to above is that there were so many things I found myself nodding along to—things that felt familiar and real and normal. It made me feel so much better.
Inspired by these brave ladies, I’m going to follow Ez from Creature Comforts call to action, and share with you a few things I’m afraid to tell you:
- I struggle a lot with negativity. As in, I can be really, really, really negative. I try my best to be positive, but there are days and situations where I get bogged down, and stuck in patterns of thought that aren’t good at all. I’m working on it. It can be a real struggle for me to see the good things in certain areas of my life sometimes.
- I swear. A lot. I think this always surprises blog friends who meet me for the first time.
- I am a jealous person. I like to be liked, and I have a hard time not being the “favorite.” I also get crazy jealous when I see other people do well.
- I like a clean house, but I can definitely be messy. I hate doing laundry, and I rarely do it.
- I have tremendous anxiety about what is next for me. I have applied to grad school for the fall, but I’m not sure if I want to go. I don’t know what’s next career-wise. I am not sure when I’m going to be 100% ready for kids. I like to have plans and goals and sureness and I really have none of that. It makes me worry.
Phew. That was both liberating and very, very scary.
Now, your turn! Either in the comments or on your own blog, I’d love to know about some things you’re afraid to tell the Internet.
I love this.
LOVE.
My list would be more of things-I-wish-I-could-write-about, like my relationship with Mike. I feel like most of the internet either waxes poetic about their relationship or gripes constantly on Twitter about their no good husband.
Of course, the reason I DON’T write much about our relationship is because I think it’s better to talk to HIM about it…but sometimes it would be nice to be able to say, “This part of marriage is hard.”
Anyway. My Actual List:
- Mike is way neater than I am and I still struggle with cleaning up after myself.
- I am super sensitive and hate confrontation.
- Sometimes, I complain to make small talk. If I’m not sure what to say, I’ll just gripe about something. Which does no good for anyone and I hate that about myself.
And there’s still an item or two not on there because it’s still TOO scary to talk about.
Also, you will probably never be ready for kids. You’ll always think of reasons why you SHOULDN’T right now. Just saying.
You. Are. Tremendous. (And so is this post.)
I admire your bravery for putting this all out there. You touch on a really important point — that what’s online isn’t the whole picture of someone’s life. I struggle with that kind of comparison a lot (“Look at ALL THE PEOPLE doing ALL THE THINGS I’m not doing! I’m inadequate!”) and have to remind myself that my life is MINE, therefore perfect as it is.
What I’m afraid to say? I have terrible breakdown-style anxiety issues when I think about the future, especially when it comes to marriage and children. I’m afraid that I’m not a good enough friend/ sister/ daughter/ cousin because I’m not THERE enough/ supportive enough. I love my life right now and I’m afraid to mess it up to follow another scarier dream.
Whew.
<3
I sort of inadvertently (and I suppose very specifically) answered that question in my blog post today (I wrote it last night). I wrote specifically about writing.
http://everydaybeaut.blogspot.com/2012/05/write-what-you-know.html
I don’t have my own blog, but I still struggle with what to tell people about my life. Having a bit of discretion can protect you and others from unnecessary scrutiny, but sometimes it feels so good to be open and honest about the things in your life that suuuuck. I used to talk with my friends and family about how much I didn’t like my job, but now they always ask about it every time they see me, and having them bring it up over and over makes me feel even more like a failure – like why haven’t I been able to fix this or move on yet? It’s a tough balance for sure. I certainly appreciate it when others are honest and let go of the “I’m perfect” facade, but I also understand why it’s sometimes necessary to keep things to yourself.
So much yes with this post.
Right now I would LOVE to blog about family drama/wedding drama and get some advice on that. Gawd, planning a wedding when you have a lot of annoying relatives on all sides is hard.
Amy,
You and I are 1 in the same. Your list is identical to mine.
I have been lurking for a while on your blog and twitter, and want you to know that you are such an amazing person, and I really enjoy reading your posts. They’ve helped me look at my own life in a different perspective.
xo
I’m very lazy about housework, my workmates and I spend waaaaay too much time complaining, and my grand plans are usually VERY short-lived.
I love your honesty in this post. :)
Oh gosh, so many things. My house is perpetually dust-bunny infested, the price you pay for living with a hairy dog. I pop my zits. And yes, I have zits AND lines around my eyes at age 31, which is totally unfair. You should have to worry about one of those things, not both. I get anxious in large groups. Public speaking terrifies me. I let every single call go to voicemail. I was in an abusive relationship – physically, emotionally, the whole shebang. I have the ugliest feet I have ever seen. I COULD GO ON :)
Thanks for this. I am always struggling with this. Thinking people are perfect because of the way they represent themselves on their blogs. It makes me think that maybe that’s why I don’t have as many comments as they do.
But I know my blog is for me. And whether people read it or not, it IS beneficial. Thanks for reminding me of the importance of vulnerability and being comfortable with who I am. Those are two very important things.
ILOVETHISPOST. Seriously, it’s just so accurate. It’s just SO easy to forget that bloggers don’t talk about every single thing in their lives. There are so many little things we just don’t know about, and yet I still often find myself jealous of what I’m reading.
The one thing I have a LOT of trouble writing about (and to be honest, I’m a pretty honest blogger. I’ve worked REALLY hard at that!) but I still have a lot of trouble talking about relationships. As in, my lack of being in them. I hate talking about being a single girl & I think I’ve only written one post about it… Ever. It was terrifying. There are other things I think I’m nervous to write about. I mean, in general, I’m a nervous writer. I LOVE putting my heart out there & seeing what comes back, but almost every single one of my real *writing* posts make me nervous as all hell!
PS: I would have never pegged you as a swearer! I’m not known to be one at all. Even when I do swear, I don’t feel like people notice, lol!
I’m foul mouthed too. Like, REALLY foul mouthed, in spite of the fact that I have four children. Funny thing? Neither of my older two has ever said a single curse word. My husband finds my language appalling. I find his chewing appalling, so we’re even.
Other things I’m (not really very) afraid to tell people. I don’t shower very often. I wear the same running clothes more than once before washing. I haven’t been to the dentist in three years. I find Ewan MacGregor oddly attractive.
I can’t wait for the day we get together. We can swear like sailors all the live long day!
I am messy. Disgustingly messy. I like having a clean house, but sometimes I just don’t CARE. But as a result, I’ve had friends drop by unexpectedly and I am so incredibly embarrassed by the way I live sometimes.
Great post! I struggle with negativity as well and try to use my blog as a place to channel more positive vibes into my life. I usually finish a post thinking, “Yeah, that was pretty good wasn’t it?” I think the nice thing about writing blogs is that I force myself to focus on the positive, but sometimes its hard reading other people’s blogs and remembering they may be doing the same. :)
I can totally relate. I am often very envious when other people are successful or well liked. I struggle with it a LOT actually. I also swear way too much.
Also the kid thing. Not knowing when I will be ready for kid(s) really stresses me out.
Thank you for sharing and opening up! About the grad school issue – before I went to grad school, I worried about the same thing. And the kids? Well as you saw in my post, I don’t want any. But there are still worries tied up in that decision too. I think what we ALL really need to focus on is living one day at a time. IF you don’t know how you feel about starting a family today, that’s ok. We can’t have all the answers all the time, how boring would life be then?! :)
I should really work on a post on this subject. Sometimes I think my life appears to be easy and effortless, and it’s so not. I struggle and cry and fight off the tendency to feel sorry for myself. I think it’s really great to put your struggles out there like this, as I know so many can relate (myself included).
I curse so much.
I want to be the favorite, too.
When to have kids? Scary question.
You are not alone.
- I curse like a sailor. The eff word is my favorite and I use it all the time, all day long.
- The chances are high that my husband will be moving to Alabama for a year or more and I am absolutely terrified to be alone and to be solely responsible for our whole house.
- I’m scared I won’t get into the grad school program I want and will spend the rest of my life just sort of floating.
Amy, I just adore you. I love this post. I wish we could all be just a little more honest and stop the comparisons amongst each other.
Here are mine:
Marriage is hard. Even though Billy and I love each other, it’s the hardest work I have to do.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough ambition. I do have my wants/wishes, but I doubt my ability, therefore I don’t go after the things that I could/should.
I want a child (and soon, because…I’m 29…), but without have a successful mother-daughter relationship (that I can remember, since my own mother died when I was little), I’m afraid that I won’t know how to be a mother. I think it’s one of the biggest reasons I’ve put it off so long.
Yep, those are my three biggies right now. Sigh.
Oh, I love this. I posted something similar and someone gave me the quote, “Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes with everyone’s highlight reel.” Or something like that. Helped so much!
But it’s hard. It’s hard when I see other people who have grasped what it means to be healthy and seem to have NO ISSUES and NO CRAVINGS and NEVER BACKSLIDE. Or people who seem to have it all together – career, relationships, health. I know nobody DOES have it all together so posts like these? It helps.
Mine:
- I’m not feeling very fulfilled in my job currently. And I have dreams of taking a big leap of faith and finding a job in a big city… but that scares me because I don’t think I’m a big-city-kinda-girl.
- That, sometimes, I wonder if I even want kids. Not if I’ll ever be ready for them: IF I EVEN WANT THEM. I’ve never even thought about NOT having kids but I don’t know if I have what it takes to be a good mom.
- My mom does most of the cleaning around the house. And laundry. I’m basically a slob, although I love a clean house.
LOVE this. :) And I agree 100%. Sometimes I’m afraid I won’t (and don’t) fit into this community because my life doesn’t look nearly as tidy and perfect as every other bloggers. So THANK YOU. and I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to be tagging you and using this in a post of my own on Wednesday :)