On Sunday, I ran my second 5K. Wearing a tutu.
It was a great race. I beat my last time by almost FOUR minutes. I remembered all my technology this time (as opposed to my first race where I left my Garmin and my iPod with my perfect running playlist!) and got up extra early to have plenty of time to eat, pound some coffee and wake up. The race started at the state capitol, and wound through the streets of downtown Sacramento. It was super fun to run through the (closed) streets — I felt like a less-pretentious Kelly Bensimon (although, that was easy, because has there ever been a more pretentious human?), gliding huffing and puffing through the city. I felt strong, and ran more of the 3.1 miles than I ever have. I set my personal best on a mile time (under 13 minutes!) and had a great time. The race was well-organized right down to the insane number of porta potties — no bathroom lines before a race. Runners will totally appreciate the rarity of that!
The interesting thing about this race was my tutu.
Did you know that people have really strong feelings about tutus? Me, either. At my last race, it seemed weird if you didn’t have some sort of flare situation happening. At this race, I was literally the only person wearing a tutu. Some people were sweet and adoring, complimenting me on the tutu and as I ran by some spectators, they’d call out sweet things. Other people were completely horrid about it. There was eye-rolling, whispered comments, and audibly rude comments. One woman looked me straight in the face and told me, “God, I hate people who wear tutus to races.”
I am somewhat outgoing, but I really dislike moments when I’m in the spotlight (even inadvertently) in a manner that’s out of my element. I will act a fool in my own classroom where I am 100% comfortable, but I will not, under any circumstances, stand up and dance alone at a concert. You can imagine how I felt being the sole wearer of a neon colored tutu that absolutely screamed, “LOOK AT ME!” People stared. I…looked at my iPhone a lot, and even though I was alone, I’d scan the crowd every few seconds as if I were waiting for a friend to show up. It was awkward.
I’m going to turn this into a healthy living metaphor because OF COURSE I AM. But truly, one of the most difficult things about this healthy living journey has been the reaction of other people. Most of the people in my life have been wildly supportive. My family is amazing. I could not ask for a more supportive partner than Andrew, who not only cheers me on, but helps me deal with the more “emotional” side of things, and never makes me feel anything less than beautiful, even when I come home sweaty from yoga. The majority of my friends cheer me on and don’t complain when I want to go to healthy places and never make me feel left out when I don’t drink alcohol or order dessert.
There are the friends/coworkers/random internet commenters who choose (consciously or not) to be detractors — the ones who make me feel less fun when I’m not drinking, or pressure me to order dessert. Someone recently reminded me “it’d be okay if I didn’t follow through” when I mentioned that I was signed up for a half marathon, and insinuated that since I’m not getting crazy fast yet, I must not be good at running, so I shouldn’t keep trying. Others comment on my food choices in a negative manner or roll their eyes when I talk about the things I’m working on. It feels weird, and hurts my feelings, and quite honestly, it just baffles me.
It seems like they don’t like my tutu, if you will.
I definitely considered ditching my tutu behind a bush after the first few comments, but then thought, “EFF IT” and wore that tutu, PROUDLY, the whole damn race.
I feel the same way about this whole healthy living journey. It would be easy to cave to pressure or comments. I mean, look, it’s not like I don’t want the dessert or the wine or the pasta. TRUST ME, I WANT IT AND I MISS IT. Like the deserts miss the rain. But I’m trying to do something here, and it’s working.
There will be always be naysayers and people who cannot be supportive of me (or you!) in life, be it on a healthy living journey or any other kind of life change. But what I’m trying to accept is that their reaction is about them, not me. I’m not doing anything to them, or for them. I’ve maintained from day one that this journey is for me and my own health, end of story.
I’ve been on the other side of the journey — so many people I know have done amazing things to get healthy, and I know without a doubt that I have had moments of eye rolling, jealousy or feeling annoyed. It was uncomfortable for me because they were taking steps to be happier, healthier and stronger, while I was staying stagnant. As I’ve progressed on my own journey, the more I’ve wanted to be more supportive of the choices the people I love are making, because I know how much that support matters. Conversely, when people are less supportive, I’ll be honest: I want less of that in my life, because a random comment from a stranger is one thing, but people who are in my life for realsies that are unsupportive? That’s unacceptable.
So whether it’s regarding my tutu or the healthy choices I’m (attempting) to make every day, haters, you’re on notice.
How do you deal with those who detract from your goals (healthy, or otherwise)?
It’s all about follow through. A ton of people told me I wouldn’t go to Korea, then when I got here they said it wouldn’t be giving up if I came home. When I signed up for my first 5k I hadn’t run more than 2 miles before, everyone asked “wait, WHY are you signing up then?” I moved to Korea and ran a 5k. Haters can suck it!
P.S. I call them >> Happiness Haters in case you were wondering. :)
Good job on your race!
People like that seem to hate themselves and it just spreads to everything/everyone else. I don’t know why we can’t just 1) say something nice/nothing at all and/or 2) be happy for others (esp our friends!) and encouraging when people want to try something new. What? We all need to be blobs of nothing all our lives?
Well said! I’m amazed when I hear about how rude people can be! I can’t imagine randomly telling someone I hated something they were wearing…eww. I’m sorry you had to put up with that. I would love to see someone racing in a tutu (side note- I loved the tutorial for that and desperately want to make one now!)I totally get what you mean about other people being the hard part of trying to get healthy. The comments can be so inadvertently (I hope)rude. Backhanded compliments I guess. I just wanted to say good for you on your journey to health! It’s inspiring :)
Great job on your race! You should keep wearing that tutu proudly and as you keep improving on your runs haters will have to recognize the power of the tutu! I can’t wait to read more of your running recaps. Being a beginning runner is such an exciting time.
Aw, I am sorry you are encountering some naysaysers. That sucks. I think part of that reaction is people projecting their insecurities and jealousy upon you. Which is just wrong. When I lost my weight, my family was super supportive of me, as were my friends, which was great. I got a couple of comments, especially at the end when I had a couple tell me I was getting too thin (which was totally not the case as I am in the healthy BMI range). I just tried to let their comments go, even though it was hard at times.
I ran a corporate challenge one mile race in May for my company, and we all wore these shirts our company had made for us. I had someone yell, “I hate (insert my employer’s name). I wanted to flip that guy off SO BAD, but decided against it since I was representing my company, but man I was pissed. What is WRONG with people. I can’t believe people made comments about your tutu! How rude. The sad thing is that some of those people are probably raising children who will perpetuate that mean, negative attitude. Boo!
Firstly, congratulations! How do I deal with naysayers? Feel bad for them mostly, that they’re so filled with negativity and hate that they feel compelled to share it with others.
Screm ‘em Amy, and keep on truckin!!!!!!!!!
Have a great day! :-)
Ooppps……meant “screm ‘em”…:-)
aaackkkk :-)
I’ve had that type of thing happen to me many times over my life. When I was younger it would derail me. I was so sensitive to what others thought of me. I wanted to be liked so badly. I still struggle with that need but to a lesser degree. When folks are not supportive, I tend to disengage depending on who it is. Sometimes I might speak up and explain how it hurts my feelings if it is with someone who I have a deeper connection to. I’ve realized that so many of the comments come from their own stuff and really reflect more about THEM than they do about me. That’s helped me a little.
I think you are doing amazing, Amy. You’re really digging deep and this is hard but rewarding work. Wear that tutu proudly!
I’m glad you chose not to ditch your tutu. People will always be negative towards other who are brave- brave to wear a tutu, brave to say no to dessert, brave to do whatever the hell they want in order to get where they want to get. Because deep down those negative people are just people who are too scared to really go for it.
What the hell is wrong with people? That woman who said “I hate people who wear tutus to a race”… That actually irritates me so much. What is it to her life whether you’re wearing a tutu or not? I’m so irritated now. Some people bother me like it’s not even possible.
I just say eff them. They don’t know how to smile at all the nice things in life. You know you’re doing these things for YOU and making you happy, and that’s what matters. People like that are just bitter.
No but honestly what is wrong with people…….
I am so mad at that bitch who said mean things about tutus. There was a guy at the race on Saturday in an orange wig. Who the F cares? People are having fun, and more power to us! (I wore my sparkle skirt.)
I am so proud of you and you should be too!!
Wow! :( I am baffled by the response you received from these people! No one has a right to say anything about anyone’s choices. And it was just a tutu! Why would the fellow racers even think about saying anything rude? :( It makes my heart sad that people exist just to try and tear others down. Chin up, girlfriend. Rock on with your tutu ;) xo
Congrats on your awesome race! And the tutu is super cute! Gah, people can suck sometimes. Good on you for just pushing through the negativity!
I’ve been lucky, and I haven’t had too many naysayers as I try to get healthier, but I have run into times when people just don’t seem to get it. My roommate, for example, is a sweet, lovely person, but she is naturally thin and has never had to eat well. So, it’s really hard for her to understand why we have to choose restaurants with healthy options now, when I used to be ok with getting KFC. I kind of have to explain to her sometimes that yes, even though that restaurant has ONE salad option, it would be awesome if we could go somewhere with a bit more variety. I’m still not sure if she gets it though…
First, you are doing amazing things. Wonderful things. And while it hurts to have people insinuate that you aren’t capable of such things, they are already wrong about you because YOU ARE DOING THEM. Maybe your pace isn’t at a sub-9 minute mile yet. Mine isn’t either. But we are still out there, running our miles, following our training plans, and living our lives and daring to believe we can be different. We are making it happen. Be proud of that, for yourself.
Now. My confession: I’m guilty of the tutu side-eye. I cannot even explain it. There’s something about being passed in a race by a person (male or female) in a tutu that makes me crazy. BUT! I want people to keep wearing tutus because it pushes me. I run faster, work harder when I’m surrounded by tutus. So be that person. Run your race and be proud of how you run your race. Wear your tutu. You are out there, same as every other participant, and how you run is your choice, same as if you wear headphones or pin your race bib to your front or your back.
Keep it up, lady. You’re awesome.
1. Your tutu is gorgeous.
2. I always appreciate when people wear flair to a race; makes it more festive and fun!
3. Above posters are correct – people who make rude comments about your awesome tutu are insecure about themselves.
4. AWESOME that you’ve done two races now and you got a PR! YAY!!!
I’m so proud of you, Amy. <3
I think it’s so fun you wore a tutu! I can’t believe that lady was so mean to your face! Not cool. It is so weird how people can act so strange about things that have nothing to do with them! Kind of reminds me of how people can get weirded out about vegetarians, like they’re almost offended you don’t eat meat! But whatever to the haters and congrats to you on your PR! That’s so great! A 13-minute mile is great! You are inspiring! p.s. Love the new blog name & redesign! Coffee and Sunshine are two of the best things ever! :)
I love picturing you at that race telling those haters to F*%$ themselves by wearing your neon tutu proudly without apologies, especially since you and I were totally “up too early for running and just want some brunch” haters on the tutu wearers in running club. What crappy attitudes. Totally hear your voice in this one, btw :)
I hear you on the haters. My “BFF” since college and I are currently on a break because she kept trash talking all of my life decisions, from the man I married to the dogs I adopted to the fact that I changed my Twitter handle. I don’t want or need that kind of negativity in my life, especially when I’m just trying to make things work and make myself happy. So I say GO GIRL! Wear the tutu!
okay one. how can anyone not enjoy a good tutu? i mean seriously, it’s a tutu. it’s magical and whimsical and all things lovely. it’s a happy break from a strenuous run. basically don’t understand people.
two. so proud you kept rocking the tutu despite the snickers and comments. some people can just learn to shove it. sorry that sounds mean, but it’s true.
and three. it’s hard to not succumb to comments about eating or working out and i definitely struggle with it too. basically i’m just trying to show some will power and be my own conscience and my own vote on everything.
hurrah amy you are a tutu wearing, running champ!
I know I already commented on Twitter but I just couldn’t wait to say that I am so glad you ignored all the haters. Personally, I am not a tutu wearer, but I am all for you doing what makes you feel good, fun or happy about yourself! Why do people have to belittle others to make themselves feel more superior? I don’t get it. The sad thing is that no matter what, like Lisa said, when she lost weight they said she was too skinny. I think that whatever you do, someone is going to hate. I am blonde (dumb), younger than most people at my work (I am not as smart), and most of them are men (so I am helpless). I am too skinny, I run TOO much, I have too many pairs of shoes, I need to settle down and make something of myself. SO WHAT. Get your own life and stop hating on mine!
Anyway, bottom line is…Rock On, Tutu.
Haters are going to hate, but it’s such a shame isn’t? Go you for running the race and in the super fun tutu. I’ve got some friends that aren’t always encouraging of me when I choose healthy options, especially not to drink. I’ve got a big physical challenge coming up (walking 320km across the UK) so I’ve given up alcohol in the lead up. It’s met with so much “you’re no fun when you don’t drink” etc which means I often just don’t head to the pub in the first place. And the other one, “you could always just have one”. Tired of responding with “yes, I could, but I choose not to” I now respond with “and you could always just respect my decisions”. It’s a tough road sometimes but I think one worth sticking to
I am just APPALLED that people would be blatantly rude to your face like that. What is it to them if you want to wear a tutu? It’s not their body!! That annoys me so much and I am so proud of you for not letting the naysayers make you take that tutu off!
I’ve had more support than not with my healthy living journey. Most people want to know more and how I’m doing it. (I mean, not that I’m doing AWESOME at it right now, lol) My mom encountered a lot of negativity when she lost her weight, even from her doctor! When she told him she was going to try Weight Watchers, he told her not to do it. Um, well, she lost 80 pounds on WW, lowered all her numbers, and has kept it off for 3 years. I’m REALLY glad she didn’t listen to him!
You are doing amazing, Amy, and it’s such an inspiration to see you fight.