Last week, Andrew showed me this article about ten bands the author will have to listen to in hell. He sent it mostly in jest as his beloved Counting Crows was number one on the list (um, Pearl Jam made an appearance, so clearly this dude doesn’t have ears that hear amazing 90′s alternative and eyes that see EDDIE VEDDER) but it got me thinking of what my ACTUAL hell would be like.
Have you ever stopped to imagine what your absolute worst nightmare place would be?
I’ll go first:
- In my hell, it would alternate between being 115 degrees or snowing and being -25 below. No matter how hot, there would always be WIND.
- It would smell like old milk.
- People would vomit non-stop, and I would join in the vomiting.
- Birds would fly everywhere and dart at your head.
- Celine Dion and Enya would play 24 hours a day.
- Meals would consist of tomatoes and beets, and everything would be hellishly spicy.
- I would be forced to do math, talk on the phone to strangers and have people invading my personal space.
- There would be no deodorant, and people would constantly be picking at their feet and toenails.
- Everyone would chew with their mouths open and all you would hear during meals was smacking.
- The maximum amount of sleep you’d be permitted would be two hours, and every time you were reaching that perfect deep sleep point, you’d be awakened by a crying baby or a car alarm.
- Every week would include a trip to the dentist and the OB/GYN.
What would your personal hell include?
What is wrong with people who don’t like Pearl Jam??!!
My hell would consist of slugs and rain and would therefore be similar to British summer. Sigh….
Being forced to run even though you’re currently suffering from ITB.
Forced to drink instant coffee.
Oh, your list made me laugh (partially in recognition). And I am with Andrew. The Counting Crows are clearly Heaven’s house band.
I’d be trapped in a stiflingly hot and busy Wal-Mart where Nickelback and Rush are playing in a continuous loop, there are cat litter boxes everywhere, and the only things to eat are canned tuna and flakes of ham.
Oh my, this totally made me laugh! I can relate to so many of those things and the one thing I would add is – People would be blowing their noses in restaurants all around me. That drives me insane.
Ha, I answered a similar question when I was writing for Stratejoy. This is my personal hell:
“Werewolves in London” and “Rock Lobster” are playing on repeat. Every meal consists of water chesnuts. It’s 10 degrees below zero. Chocolate milk doesn’t exist, and I’m folding laundry.
::: shudders :::
Your personal hell sounds pretty hellish to me. I think instead mine would play techno at a blaring level, have the sound of people biting their forks as they eat and nails on the chalkboard, and smell like a dumpster. It would definitely be crowded with rude people, exceptionally hot, and no one respects personal space. Oh and I’d be forced to read instruction manuals all day long while eating pickles.
All of the above. Only I would constantly find myself trapped in line at a crowded, messy, hot department store wearing too tight clothes and feeling like I was going to pass out while “Rich Girl” by Gwen Stefani played on a loop. And there would be nothing to eat except pickles and it would smell like fish.
Tomatoes, onions, and pickles. All around me…shoved into my mouth. *shudder*
Mine would include wasps… lots of wasps…
Insane thrasher metal, having a permanently stuffed up nose/cough that prevents me from sleeping, and having to deal with angry people on the phone nonstop. Welcome to my personal hell.
In my personal hell, I would have to do math AND science!
Ha, funny post! In my personal hell, there would be no personal space, so people would stand RIGHT NEXT TO ME. The only place to go to the bathroom would be port-a-potties. The songs “If I had a million dollars” and “It’s the end of the world as we know it” would play on repeat 24/7.
this cracked me up because i’ve totally thought about this before and even blogged about it.
http://prettysandyfeet.com/2011/01/27/hellish/
I’d probably add in something about Charlie Sheen and bad drivers because sweet mercy those both drive me batty these days.
This is hilarious. Mine would definitely have to include a yappy dog.
The Counting Crows are amaze balls and that is the end forever and ever amen.
I would be sweating while it’s simultaneously 30 degrees outside. Worst.feeling.ever.
HOLY SHIT I JUST SKIMMED THE ARTICLE AND IT SAID BILLY JOEL. WTF DUDE. WTF.
Oh the mouth chewing makes me SO ANGRY. Also, loud gum chewing. WTF? Close your face, you crazy loud chewers!