Four years ago today, I went to a friend’s party. Truth be told, I didn’t want to go. It was raining and I was tired. But I went anyways. And when I arrived, I noticed a cute boy, asked her quickly if he was crazy and/or married and then went about my business. He approached me at the fondue table and we started to chat. He said his name was Andrew. We talked all night. A few days later, we emailed (seriously the email chain haunts me with its awkwardness and weirdness on both of our parts) and the Wednesday after that, we had our first date.
The rest is history.
I’ve learned a lot about relationships in the past year. I don’t like to blog about my super personal life terribly often, but now that the dust has settled, I will tell you that a year and a half ago, I didn’t ever imagine I’d be writing this post. Andrew and I went through a rough patch—a really rough patch. I still don’t want to talk about the what happened, because I can see now that it doesn’t matter.
What matters is what came after it.
When your relationship is falling apart, it’s really easy to blame the other person or to throw in the towel or to remain bitter, angry and stagnant. There were many times I considered letting go of the relationship all together. But something held me there. And slowly but surely, we worked to fall in love again. We talked a lot, we took walks, we went away for weekends, we practiced being nice to one another and fighting right. We had fun. We remembered why we liked each other.
It was the hardest, yet most rewarding, work I’ve ever put in to another person. And now, out of those dark woods, I can say I’ve never loved anyone more.
I love Andrew because he’s smart and funny and nice. I love him because he is hysterical and totally willing to be silly with me. Because he loves my family—not tolerates them, but gets just as excited as I do for family dinners and time with them. I love Andrew because whatever crazy idea I say I want to do, he’s 100% behind me. The man has given up sugar with me, watched multiple blog meltdowns, cheered me on in running and a zillion other hobbies. Every summer, he comes and sets up my classroom with me and doesn’t do it begrudgingly—he is into making the bulletin board paper straight and the borders perfect. I love Andrew because he listens to me drone on about things and always knows what to say, even when I know he’d rather be doing anything else.
I love Andrew because he has never shut the door on me, or on us, even when things were hard. I love him because despite our shortcomings together, he has worked tirelessly to make us better, to make this relationship good. He knows exactly how to push me to try something new without crossing a line. I know I’m always safe, loved and cared for with him. I love him because we spend hours dreaming about what’s next and he never belittles my hopes or fears.
I love him because I know I’ve gotten the best of him, because I see the things that no one else does. I love him because there is a depth and intimacy to our relationship because we live together, because we’ve put in the effort to really know one another and because we’ve worked so damn hard to make it happen. I love him because I’ve given him the best of me, and he’s treasured it, and helped my best to be even better. You always hear that the person you’re with should make you better, and Andrew makes me better a thousand times over. He’s always striving to make himself better and in turn, cheering me on and inspiring me to be better, too.
Happy-four-year-meeting-one-another anniversary, Andrew. My life is infinitely better because you are in it. I love you.
LOVE this Amy. Congratulations to you both!! I couldn’t agree more about putting so much into a person, let alone a relationship. They’re not kidding when they say real, healthy relationships are hard work, but all the work is SOOO worth it in the end. Great post! :)
My Andrew and I have been together for a little over 3 years, and we’ve hit some really rough patches along the way too. But even during those rough patches, we made the effort (along with awful, petty arguments) to work through it.
I think when you’re in the middle of a rough patch, or a fight, or anything of that nature, you do tend to forget about what you’re actually fighting FOR, you know?
Happy 4 years of knowing each other! There is just something about men named Andrew… ;-)
I love how honest you are about going through tough times but sticking it out and not just making it work, but falling in love again. It’s not all just happy shiny fun and puppies and googly eyes and it’s nice to see someone actually talk about it. And of course, happy meeting-each-other anniversary! You guys are too cute.
Awwwwww, I love this post! Well, I love all your posts but I really love hearing about my friends’ love stories. <3
I know I haven't known you for that long, but I do know that you're an awesome person, and it makes me happy to know that you have an awesome boyfriend by your side. I'm happy for both of you, because you found and have each other. Happy Anniversary!
Incredibly sweet.
Happy 4th, you guys.
Congratulations!
We had a really tough time 18 months ago – didn’t think we’d still be together now but we are, stronger and more in love than ever. Ain’t it grand!
Happy anniversary! I loved the bit about how Andrew helps you set up your classroom every year :)
Aww happy anniversary to you two!
Awww, happy four years, you two!
I agree with Stevie – there is something about guys named Andrew. My Andrew and I have been together for 6 years.
Happy Anniversary to you two. This was a super sweet post!
I’ve been reading your blog for while, but this is my first time commenting – I just had to share that I met my Andrew at a friend’s party on a rainy night 4 years ago today, too. So your first paragraph really made me smile :-)
Thanks for such an honest, lovely post – happy anniversary to you both!!
Happy anniversary you crazy kids. I am so glad you guys are so happy.
Love this post. Happy Meetaversary to you two!
Don’t mind me, just getting weepy reading this post.
I’m so glad you worked through the rough patch to find the sweetness after. It is so rewarding and deepens the bond. Happy anniversary you two!
This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. Thank you. :)
If I wasn’t such a robot, I’d get weepy, too. I love you, too, babe. Thank you for such a beautifully written post.
Love this. YAY for you two!
Congratulations Amy! Thanks for the mature and beautifully written post!
There is so much I could say to this post. SO MUCH of it resonated with me. First, I will say HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, here is to many more years together.
And then I will just copy and paste the lines you wrote that if I was reading a book I would be vigorously underlining with a pencil right now:
“I still don’t want to talk about the what happened, because I can see now that it doesn’t matter.
What matters is what came after it.”
“There were many times I considered letting go of the relationship all together. But something held me there. And slowly but surely, we worked to fall in love again.”
“It was the hardest, yet most rewarding, work I’ve ever put in to another person. And now, out of those dark woods, I can say I’ve never loved anyone more.”
Yes. Yes. YES.
I hope you two have a wonderful day together :) XO
This is exactly what I needed to read after a little squabble in my own relationship. Thank you for sharing a bit of your world with us and being so honest. Very refreshing and there are so many lines of this post that I want write down in my journal!
I love this and you. Relationships are so very hard and I am so glad that you’ve found someone who is IN it with you. I’ve told you how happy it makes me to see you and Andrew being adorable and happy. You deserve it. You deserve all the joy and happiness.
happy four years! :)
Gold star!
Happy anniversary! Beautiful post.
Just lovely. Congrats!
Happy anniversary!
How you met reminds me of my mom & stepdad. Neither of them wanted to go to the party they met at…but something about the night made them show. They’ve now been married 14 years. :-)
seriously heart you so much woman. and yay for four years, that is wonderful. love this post and the honesty and just yes, hope you two enjoy your day.
Aw, happy anniversary! What a beautiful post – your love for him clearly shines through. I am glad that you made it past those dark days and are happier and healthier than every as a couple!!
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I love stories of love, the real ones where it’s not always perfect or easy. But sometimes good things are hard things and they just make life better. Congrats to 4 years!
Normally, I avoid schmoopy posts, but I just couldn’t help it. @abarber1 and I celebrate four years today: http://t.co/Z5DKSVM5
Aw. Happy anniversary. This is a beautiful post. I love hearing about real romance. And by “real romance” I mean a look at how real love works its way through the hard stuff for something better.
Oh how I love this post. This is great. Congrats on reaching four. Congrats on making it work day by day with a great person.
this is beautiful! this is what i want… congrats, Amy and Andrew!
Those are all the best reasons! I’m so glad that you two are so committed to making your relationship work, and I hope that you have many, many more years of happiness ahead of you! Happy anniversary!
eeeee! yay. giddy. grins. love.
Wow – what a beautiful post sweetie. It’s been fun to watch your relationship grow and blossom! I’m thrilled that Andrew likes to come and hang out with us too!
Happy Anniversary to you both!
Love,
Mom
Happy anniversary to the two of you. So beautifully written.
Sometimes after the going gets tough, it gets oh so good. I know what it’s like to feel like it’s all gone, only to work hard and discover that love can actually get deeper once the seas calm. Happy anniversary!
Aww, this is a lovely post. I love reading about love. Happy anniversary!! :)
Happy anniversary… or almost ;) I always love to hear the stories of how people meet and fall in love and make it work! So wonderful to see that you compliment each other so well :)
Whoa – I’ve been reading your blog for awhile, after randomly following a link from another blog, and talk about small world – I went to high school (IMSA) with your Andrew!
Happy anniversary! There is something so comforting about knowing you both think it’s worth it to fight through the rough patches to get back to the good stuff. :)
Yay! Happy anniversary you guys!
We also hit a really rough patch this year. I never talked about it with anyone because I knew we were working through it, and it only concerned the two of us. What came after was a greater sense of security and intimacy. I hope it’s the same for you.
xoxo
Yay! Happy anniversary to you guys! Cheers to many more years of love!
This was awesome, Amy. Congratulations to you both!
Oh I love posts like this – the ones about relationships when people are brave enough to be real. To admit that relationships take work and that it’s awesome to love someone despite all the shortcomings that we each have. I’m like you in that I don’t like to air out all the personal dirty laundry on the internet – sometimes that’s just not healthy or helpful.
I LOVE this post! Thank you for your honesty! And happy anniversary!
I love this :) beautiful!